*sighs* I'm in a bad mood now..I got my 2ND ACCOUNT ON NEOPETS FROZEN....for no reason..it said I broke the rules..I didn't..

*sighs again* another day eh? just..tiring..I walk to work today..pick up my paycheck..going to use it to make me happy..the pay check is devoted to me this pay period. get a book..get an easel...get some stuff from hot topic..*shrugs* Something that will make me happy..I wish I could get kelly down here to spend time with..but school prevents that.

Mmm...I feel..odd today...I've lost the laughs from my viewing of Decline of Video Gamming..tho that flash movie rocks..I've just lost it..mmmm strange..I wonder where this day will go. I suppose losing another account is depressing enough..

*sighs*

I am myself

nothing more

nothing less

just me

just a person who feels ripped in two

a person who had 2 sides to her

a person who is..me

mmm...Ima go now..

 *sighs* my computer at home keeps crashing any time I try to update there..so you'll have to deal with...the blogs updates comming from school..in which I really don't mind..it's jus that sometimes I'd like to update more at home..but I guess this'll work. *sighs again*

Ah misha-san...poor misha..confused and lost..sick too. *pats on head* well maybe not confused..but lost. Mm..I don't know what I mean any more. Tis a sad sad thing.

balloon duel isn't working...darn. Stupid...media crap.

yeah...not much has happend..I'm dealing with my mom..one step at a time. It's stressful now and then...really stressful. The whole test for history yesterday was half stressing, half nervous breakdown..I mean this one counted for 30% of my grade..I am really afraid of failing anything, lest I get lectured half to death by mom..which will scare the living crap out of me when she rants. *shudders* must..deal with mom...2 more years I keep telling myself

2 more years

do I even know if I'll make it through 2 more years?

no..I don't..I never do. But scott tells me that I can handle alot more than I think..he says I don't credit myself enough. Well I'll take credit for the following

my 2 oil paintings

my wretched C in math

my messy room

my pastel pieces

and..I dunno. that's it I guess...I don't give myself enough credit..pah.

I'm just..I dunno...tired..of all of this..I want to leave so badly sometimes.

I've been close to leaving about 10 times this summer...It was just saddening...so horrible in my life at that time..that I really did want to leave.

I had clothes ready for packing..a bag in my hand..finding my tent..gathering money..then something stops me..I can't..I just can't..I fall on my bed sobbing wondering what is wrong with me.

I feel lost at times...wandering through dark woods, wondering where I am.

I wonder how I get caught up with things...that makes me..so sad...things that make me fall asleep crying.

why do I cry myself to sleep? sometimes I wonder what's going on inside my mind.

I am..going to play some mindless games now on flashplayer...meep..*hugs misha*

Well..my music search was unsucessful..I like far too much new age..I need to expand the new age database..from zip to atleast..hmm *counts* 7 cds or more. And add the who, my sound tracks n' junk. 12 Girl band is on top of my list along with Paul Okanfold..I need to bring my cds tomorrow..methinks I shall..mostly likely I shall. whee. I am thrilled..Frank my bud, has qouted me in his blog..which is Jeris's blog(I recommend that for a read, he's quite the character). My nickname is pearl now..I'm glad he thinks of my so fondly..I like having a friend like that. It's quite pleasent. I like having a friend like that..the world needs more people that can be nice and friendly..and just be..well..them. But the world doesn't need another frank..I like having one frank..I need to make a nickname for Frank..then..it shall be complete. Hmm I need one that..makes sense...Frank is Frank that I can say...so I need something that screams frank..something makes his..usually quiet, yet weird, loveable..self..shine through in this nickname. Something that is Frank..My friend is how I greet him..but that is too general..I need something that pin points him, well I can't exactly pin point his personality..because as he said it would be trying to read emotions. Which I can't do. So what can I call this person who makes me feel better, who makes me laugh, who is problaby the close friend that I so desire?  What can I call this person who is getting to know me through each trial that he helps me through..I can call him something that is worthy of the greatness that he is to me. This person that seems to understand things that others don't..this person that tells things like it is..without over dramatizing it. This person who makes me..me..and keeps me on the usual line of sanity and insanity. A name is something..but a nickname..shows yourself.. so I need to call him something that matches him. I need to think of something..now let me think..*goes into a dark corner and ponders*

 whee isn't it fun how I end these blogs?....moo*pokes you with a bendi straw*

Man..it was forever since I updated this..sorry..for some reason my parents keep grounding me off the net..I mean so what I stay online a little bit over my bed time. Anyhoos.. I'm now in public school..that's where I am right now..hehehehehe..no I"m not goofing on when I should be working, I have free time in computer lab so that means I get to do whatever I wish(well not whatever..as long as it's moral and leagal) with their highspeed internet LAN service. Man I wish I could get on one of the computes and try out halo before I buy it. I problaby will just buy halo and get my butt kicked multiple times before I get good. My bud frank said to go lengendary mode first by myself til I get good, then go against someone. I really wish I could try it now tho. but that's my impaitent self speaking..heh. Looking for music on our student music library..meh..not much of my favorites I've found 'cept Linkin Park and Evanescence. Hmmm Lemme see..well it's kinda bizzare being as I listen to New Age and that's most likely not a popular music genre with today's teens. Hmm I need to bring in my cds..moo I wanna get on Runescape...maybe it'll work. *leaves to go search the database and find Runescape* Bye who ever is reading this..me poketh ye!

*leaves after poking you with bendi straw*

  Que