Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2005 May
2005 February
2005 January
2004 December
2004 October
2004 September
2004 July
2004 June
My Links
Jeris
neopets
Runescape
gaia online
Quizilla
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
|
| Becareful wht you wish for..... |
| 07.19.04 (7:20 am) [edit] |
Remember in one of my posts where I said I wish I could forget things? Well my memory is becomming foggy..things sorta float in and out. It's really irritating...like things I did the day before are foggy and weird..even hours ago. It's so strange. Anyway..all I care to write for now except that paul okanfold rocks.
-Que
|
|
|
| |
| Hate |
| 07.10.04 (12:17 pm) [edit] |
I still feel hated, Jonah is angry with everyone except me..atleast that's what he says. Scott hasn't replied yet...I'm just so sad..I spent most of last night crying over the fact that I am a crappy friend.
I wish I could take everything back..I wish I could have shut up..I wish I didn't say anything to him aboutwhy I was sad and angry..some times I wish I could die. I am sorry scott..please forgive me..please I'm begging you. I'll never talk about myself again..I'll focus on you! Please!
-que
|
|
|
| |
| *sob* |
| 07.09.04 (7:42 pm) [edit] |
why do I feel so hated...why can't I shut up about my petty problems, that seem to bother mr. I've bitten off more than you.
I feel so darn selfish..so shallow..why do I even worry about fitting in. It's so stupid.
tears..roll off my face..how pleasent.
hatred is unplesent...I can almost feel the seething hate from myself for being this way, mixed with his hatred with me for being a wussy, wallowing in her own self pity, slug. I'm sorry I ever thought he'd understand and would be willing to help, he did for a little bit, making small progress..then it was gone, the stairs of hope crumbled beneath me, sending me into a black pit of dispair.
I do need to get over it and stop bothering him. He doesn't care, he doesn't need crap, he's on vacation. So I'll just stop talking about myself to him, close myself up again. It was better that way..I didn't bother people, I didn't cause them to be stressed, I didn't remind them of their own turmoil. I was just the crying shoulder, the person people came to. I'll go back to that way...forget being open. it's darn overrated.
People trying to comfort me that had heard about it..useless..they can't untie this knot in my stomach that I got from him. Him...yeah..him if scott ever reads this(him) then read this and know this. I'm sorry..I'm sorry I ever bothered you..I shut up if I can make you feel better and help you in every single way I can. I'll close myself to my own emotions, I can help better if I dont' have my own problems to deal with. I'm better suited to be someone blind to her own emotions and liked, than to be a person open to them and hated. So I'm sorry..please forgive and what can I do?
Caring about myself and what people think is stupid..why should I care..but I do, in someway it's odd..and stupid..very stupid. I should care about it.
Darn it..because I can't remember an email I'm making someone sad! NO NO NO! CURSE MY HORRID MEMORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! DARN! wait wait..just a virus issue.
Darn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY CAN'T I HELP PEOPLE? WHY WHY WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am a horrid person and friend..how dare I even attempt to try. How dare I exist.
|
|
|
| |
| *sighs* |
| 07.08.04 (5:59 pm) [edit] |
Hmm..reading over Jeris's blogie just now. Hmm..memory..I've suffered a loss from many things of my past..a few things I'd love to forget still linger.
pah
Memory..who needs to remember pain? Who needs to remember sadness? Not me
One memory..I'd actually like to have returned to me..the night..that never happend. The night when I was 7 or 8 when bright light filled my room, scared I pulled the covers over my head, then when I pulled them off..it was day. What happend that night? I was in the same position, still holding the covers the same way. What happend to me? Was I subject to some sort of Alien abduction? Or am I going loony? Why did my intrest in paranomarl start after that? Why did so soon after that nightmares of horrible creatures appear? Why did I start wearing black after that? What happend to that 7/8 year old that saw things normal and sunny..to the now 16 year old, who questions reality at a regular basis?
what happend to me? Why do tests I take point towards the fact that I have a burried 6th sense? What is happening to me?
-Que
|
|
|
| |
| 'ello |
| 07.08.04 (5:28 pm) [edit] |
*sighs* Still I wonder about many questions that run through my mind, hearing 'breaking the habit' play over and over in my head along with 'numb'. But I'm pretty cool right now..just sorta calm and content..waiting for any friends to get on AIM, YIM or MSN. So whee..that is all for now..crappy yes. but who cares.
-que
|
|
|
| |
| Why is life so crappy? |
| 07.07.04 (7:32 pm) [edit] |
Why does everyone seem to have a problem with me or hate me?
why is what I do not good enough for my mom?
Why am I getting depressed over stupid things that cause my friends to get angry with me?
Why do I feel like such a shallow evil person?
Why does this one guy I know will not take no as answer everytime he asks me to go out with him and have sex with him?
Why do feel worthless?
Why do I feel hated?
Why am I dwelling on things that can be fixed easy?
why am I wallowing in self pity?
Why do I feel unloved?
why do I feel uncared for?
Why do I feel I have no one?
Why do I feel like I am pushing people away?
Why I am pushing people away?
why do I seclude myself to the compuer?
Why is my life so discouraging?
why do feel so down?
Why do I want to cry?
WHY WHY WHY!? :?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?:
If you can answer these..I'd really appreciate it.. I want to get out of my stupid self pity.
-Quehanna
|
|
|
| |
| Why is life so crappy? |
| 07.07.04 (7:26 pm) [edit] |
Why does everyone seem to have a problem with me or hate me?
why is what I do not good enough for my mom?
Why am I getting depressed over stupid things that cause my friends to get angry with me?
Why do I feel like such a shallow evil person?
Why does this one guy I know will not take no as answer everytime he asks me to go out with him and have sex with him?
Why do feel worthless?
Why do I feel hated?
Why am I dwelling on things that can be fixed easy?
why am I wallowing in self pity?
Why do I feel unloved?
why do I feel uncared for?
Why do I feel I have no one?
Why do I feel like I am pushing people away?
Why I am pushing people away?
why do I seclude myself to the compuer?
Why is my life so discouraging?
why do feel so down?
Why do I want to cry?
WHY WHY WHY!? :?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?:
If you can answer these..I'd really appreciate it.. I want to get out of my stupid self pity.
-Quehanna
|
|
|
| |
| Gah..parents.. |
| 07.05.04 (5:28 pm) [edit] |
Well I haven't updated lately, so shoot me for that.(not really but anyways) had a great 4th of July, got to see some fireworks and eat a hot dog and all that American jazz.
parental units are being controling again..saying 4 hours is enough for one day on the computer..apparently they don't have online buddies like I do.
I'm looking at my Tbucks and I don't remember having that much..oh well for memory.
I've finally pinned down some of my basic personality traits..here:
me: weird, strange, odd, freakishly insane, creative, artistic, bad speller, kind, sweet, a slight know it all, confused, up and down, scaredy cat, silly, understanding, slick, whacky, thinks out side of the box (and the bun), happy
Anyways..not much happening..looking for a new job, still..(spooty wendy's). Latah y'all!
-Que
|
|
|
| |
| Thursday..hey someone actually got on MSN this morning..whee |
| 07.01.04 (2:52 am) [edit] |
well,
Someone is finally on MSN, no one on Yahoo..I must punish scott and cc and jonah for that. But anyways..going to do my applications today, I think..but all I know is..I'm quitting wendys!:D so much happiness.
I think I'll go to quizilla..play around with the quizes..hee..quizy..it's such a weird word.
*yawns*I'm tired..I'm going to go quiz myself..byyyyyyyyeeee...
-que
|
|
|
| |
|
|
